Suzanne Chang IV

Want to say "Another post about Suzanne Chang?! Oh come on!!"? Stop reading if that's what you think. I am not asking nor forcing you to anyway. Read at your own will.

Yesterday, my aunt came from Johor. She will be staying here for a month and leave after my sister's wedding banquet. Getting back to the point, she said "Wah! You've got a car now. Going out with girlfriend a lot?". Hearing that, grandma said "Him? He's got a lot of girlfriend already la.. not only one".

It sure sounds like grandma kinda dislikes that I am breaking my friendship with Suzanne. She doesn't know.. how can I wish for such a thing? I can never be too mad at Suzanne, that I can't forgive her.

I texted Suzanne. I told her the same sentence. I told her why I am mad at her. I am mad, because she and I chatted for six years, we chatted until we have the desire to meet up (to convert this net-friendship into a real world one). Then, we chatted further again, until we developed feelings for each other. Positive? Not really. After one meet up, I made a couple of mistakes. She then said she wanna be friends only. Not long after, she said "It's net friends only".

I don't know how someone else would feel like if they were to be treated like that, but I am pissed. However, the fact is still there. That's why I texted her today. She didn't reply.. it's her style, it no longer amaze me to be honest. It is, however, true that I don't want to lose her. I can be anything for her. What I can't be, is a nobody.

I chatted with Catherine a few days ago. I told her I am unhappy. She talked to me.. I then asked myself "How can Catherine still talk to me like that, but Suzanne can't?". It proved what I said. Suzanne was sweet and 'perfect' (she is not really perfect, but good enough to be.. sounds familiar?). I want that Suzanne back.

I don't expect Suzanne would reply me. But that doesn't mean I don't want her to. What will happen to me and her after this? I don't know and so, I can't answer you that. I can only say "I hope she will change her mind about the net-friendship thing and take me as her real life friend. Boyfriend or not, is really beyond my capability to think right now and rightfully so, I no longer think about that. Now, the priority is to make her to accept me as her real life friend".