Problem Within

I wonder if this is a problem within myself? Want to know what happened? Read on then.

I have a friend. This friend of mine was a cheerful one. She used to be super talkative. Recently though, she became 'lazy'. By lazy, I believe she meant out of topic. Seriously though, I do feel the same. Probably I'm trying to convince myself so because out of topic is still better than having someone avoiding you. Yes, that's my other feeling about this whole 'lazy' thing.

A little extra note for this case, I don't want to lose this special friend of mine. I once had a nightmare that this friend of mine and I am friends no more. How does it feel to have a friendship you treasure most, ended? Terrifying. That's what I feel.

My very first girlfriend called me last night. I don't really go and answer calls from numbers I haven't got in my phone book but somehow, I answered it. A fate?

The first question she threw at me is "Hey.. You remember me?". I don't so I just tell her that I don't. Well, it's very nice of her to re-introduce herself. Why did I say it's so nice of her? Because she used to be very childish and unreasonable.

She asked me how am I doing and tried to catch up a bit by asking if I'm married and so on. She... wants to meet up. I am so not up to it really. As I change the topic, I'm thinking of how to reject her in case the question comes on again. Ah! I found one. So, when she asked me again about meeting up, I told her that I'm very busy.

I do realize that it's such an outdated excuse. I can hardly convice myself about it so to say she'd believe it is really out of question. To my surprise though, she said it's ok, and we can meet up again next time.

Since when did she changed so much? I don't know because it's been such a long time since I last contacted her.

Want to know why I refuse to meet up with her? Because she's still single. I don't want to cause any misunderstanding like I did most of the time. Sounds paranoid? Yes I think so too. Yet, I still refuse it. Maybe... that's a problem within myself. I want to be close with those I like to be close with and not those who had past issue with me.