It's a big rant I know, because you always hear "If you believe it, you're lucky enough because there are many others whose life is worse than yours". Whatever.. I don't know about others' life, I just know about mine and that's a fact.
There's not many who knows. I mean friends of mine. I never tell, and so, it's not such a big surprise that they don't.
Come to think of it, I am never happy since that day. Maybe, I'm happy when I'm playing games on my PS2, when I went on vacation in Sandakan (my father's hometown), when I'm dating my ex (before we had any problems) and so on, but the real problem still exist, and those happy moments are merely temporarily clouding it.
What I'm unhappy about is, my life. Maybe by now, you're asking "If I'm really that unhappy, why don't I just leave and start a new life?". I can't. That's why. I don't want to run and smash like a mad bull only to get myself speared to death in the end. I must think, I must work hard for it and that's the only ways to do it so that these problems will not haunt me in the future and threat my new life.
Hard to understand huh? I guess for those who knows my story, it's not. Basic story is, I'm bound to this for now and I'm working hard to free myself. I.. want to be by someone who needs somebody by 'her' side. That's the ultimate point of this struggle. I want to have a small simple family of my own. It's not that grand of an ambition after all.. Just a small and moderate one.
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